It's all about perspective

Lily’s death has put a lot of things into perspective for me. I wrote earlier about my feelings of guilt as a result of insignificant complaints. I think about this a lot as I listen to other people complain about the miracles in their lives. Pregnant women may complain about being too hot, too big, too swollen, etc. I was one of these women during my pregnancy with Owen, and I recognize now that I failed to take enough time to talk about what a miracle it was that I was creating a life. I should have had an attitude of gratitude. My weight gain and water retention really could not be compared to my healthy, beautiful, perfect baby. In the end, we all say that the woes of pregnancy were well worth it, so why complain about it?
People complain about the struggles of parenthood too. I am one of them. My toddler, who is very much like me, has been a true test to my patience recently. He is very independent and he knows what he wants. Now, these are traits that could serve him well in the future; however, it proves challenging when we are trying to get him dressed to leave the house, and he doesn’t want to wear the shirt that I have picked out or the sandals that match. He’ll tell me “No sandals Mommy! “hip fops”!” (flip flops). He may not want to brush his teeth at the exact moment that I would like him to, and I hear him firmly say “don't want teef” (I don't want to brush my teeth). While these moments can be frustrating, I have been reminding myself more and more lately that I am blessed to be his mother. God chose me to love him, to teach him, and to guide him. I used to feel like I was losing my patience in these moments, but now I feel like I lose my patience with those parents who lose their patience. Does that make sense? It is much easier for me now to recognize my blessings, and I wish that other parents could see how much of an honor it is to bring a child into the world and be given the gift of that child’s life to nurture and protect.
I will never have the opportunity to be Lily’s mother in that respect, but I do recognize the privilege that I was given while she was in my belly. I was her safety zone, and my body kept her protected as long as it could. This was truly an honor. I do not want to question why her time with me was so short, rather I want to celebrate the gift that I was given in that brief period of time that I held her close.
People comment to me that at least I have Owen to focus on, and while I acknowledge that he gives me more than enough to focus on right now, he does not replace Lily, nor do his toddler tantrums allow me to be distracted long enough to forget her. She will always have a very special place in my heart that can never be replaced.