Letter to my Lily

My little Lily bug,

I began fantasizing about having you in our lives beginning in February, nine long months ago. My dearest Lily, we know now that God had a different plan for you. He chose to bless you by welcoming you into His kingdom immediately. He blessed us by allowing us to see you and hold you much sooner than we thought was possible.

I think that you know how much Mommy and Daddy miss you and think about you. I think you know how much I wish you could be here to be with us, but I want you to know that we will see you again. When our Father decides that it is the right time for us to meet again, we will run to you with open arms. Until that day comes, we have decided to think about all of the positive things that remind us of you to keep your memory alive in our hearts.

There is a very special spot at the park where Daddy and I sat one night before you were born. We went there to spend time with you and with each other without distractions. We talked a lot and cried some too. Our hearts were heavy with pain and sorrow. I like to think of this as "our spot" because it is one of the last places we got to take you. Maybe you remember that night too. I have visited that spot a couple of times in the last few months just to feel closer to you. We actually took your brother there not too long ago. Of course he doesn't know that it is your special spot (we'll keep that our secret), but he seemed to enjoy it there too.

We also went to the beach one day during your last week in my belly. We went with Aunt Tracy and Gran. I'm so glad you got to have one last relaxing day listening to the sound of the waves. The beach always makes me feel calm and at peace. I was hoping you might feel some sense of peace while we were there too.

Even though our last days together were not what I want you to remember about me, I know that you are aware of how far I've come since you left my arms. I've talked a lot about you. I love to tell others about you and what you have done for us. Your life really has given me strength, faith and hope.

Daddy and I have thought of lots of ways for us to remember you and honor you because you are so special to us and we love to think about you. You were still in Mommy's belly when we found our new house, and we spent lots of time walking around the yard because we loved it so much! Daddy planted a couple of trees for you, and he has plans to make a garden at home just for you. He's already cleared the space, and next spring, close to the time that we saw you for the first time, he will fill that space with the most beautiful flowers and plants we can find. I love that we can use our yard to remember you because I will always remember that you were with us when we fell in love with it initially.

Even though we have these experiences that allow us to feel closer to you, we still miss your presence terribly. I have been feeling that more and more recently since this is the time that you would have been home with us. We hoped and prayed that you would be in our arms and with our family right now. We looked forward to having you with us for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. We will miss you so very much. I have a million reasons to think about you throughout the year, no matter what the holiday or month or occasion. Lily, you are so special to me, and always will be.

Sweetheart, you are in my heart everyday, and the physcial distance between us doesn't make me think about you or love you any less. In fact, I can't imagine how I would have loved you any more than I do now. I remind myself everyday how blessed I am to be your mother and to have had the time with you that I did. I will always remember that, Lily. You will always be my little girl.

I love and miss you lots baby girl,

Mommy